Confessions of a perfectionist

First off, I want to attest that teachers do have hearts. You know that psycho paper and reading that I had to do this week? After pleading from most of the people in the class (I kept my mouth shut...I don't do that begging stuff) my teacher moved the deadline from today to Tuesday!!! I was so happy! I did actually end up writing most of it yesterday though, because I want to have a relaxing weekend with my hubby. Heck, it's valentines!

But, I need to confess something. I am a perfectionist. You probably wonder why this is something I am confessing, but it's because until recently I thought it wasn't a problem and I actually enjoyed having this little quirk. It's because of this quirk that I have a 3.8 GPA and I try to keep my house clean and I never do anything half way. But then I realized that having this huge drive to have straight A's and also want to keep my house totally clean all the time was not healthy. I would constantly stress about never losing any points on homework and therefore be a way over achiever. But why was I doing this? I don't want to get into graduate school and I am not having to provide for my family with this degree. And then I looked at my need to have a perfectly clean house. Why? Did it make me less of a person? A worse wife and women? As I was thinking about these things I realized that they were all ridiculous. And for some reason I felt like being a perfectionist was a strength, and it can be. But it also can be a weakness. I think I let it get out of hand without realizing it. Ever since realizing this, half of my back which was a constant VERY painful knot relaxed, my canker sores disappeared and so many other things fell right out. The need to be perfect in everything was making me a stress case, so much to the extreme that my body was starting to take a hit. Now is this a strength? No.

So this is my resolve: I still want to have goals and expectations for my self (like LEARN in a class, rather than only go for the A), have a decent house (which will probably stay clean but not to an unhealthy point) and I will still expect the best from myself. But that is the key. I will expect the best that I can do, rather than something that is totally unrealistic. Instead of trying to be a perfect student with a near perfect GPA as well as a perfect, immaculate housewife (there is a reason that people can't do both completely...I tried so trust me) I want to do the best that I can do and allow for shortcomings. I can allow a B once and awhile without becoming really stressed, I can allow the house to get a little dirty if I have a huge project. What's so wrong with that? I assert, n o t h i n g.